How the fear of injury changed my life- for the better.

  

How many of you played sports in High School and College? 

How many of you spent most of your youth going to “practices” either in rinks, on fields or in stadiums? And how many of you identified every Wednesdays and Saturdays, throughout high school and college as game days?

I am just realizing the majority of my life has been defined by my athletic career. So why is this 46 year old saying “Uh-Oh!” now?

Most every day of my life from age 14-30 was spent being coached or coaching.  The focus through all those years was:

1.     Get stronger

2.     Get faster

3.     Work with others

4.     Learn new skills

5.     Practice, practice, practice

6.     Do all you can do to win

7.     Try to be the best

8.     Competition is good

In my 20’s, as a three-season teacher/coach in Maine, I hit the fields (or rink) everyday for practices from 4-6pm. Wednesdays and Saturdays were still game days, with team travel on the weekends.

Next came the 30’s and 40’s. Coaching subsided and I focused a bit more on my career as an educator. With the coaching commitment gone, what became apparent was the power of the 4 o’clock hour.

I had this newly realized instinct-reflex and habit that 4-6pm was the “work out” hour. In hindsight I realize my whole athletic career had trained me to think 4pm was tied to a “have-to”. If something got in the way of my 4pm work-out-I got anxious. This was the first big red flag that I- as an athlete- saw in my adult life. I didn’t know at the time, but this habit of sports at 4-6pm, daily, for years on end - had created an unsustainable habit/addiction.

The second red flag that arose in this athlete’s adult life was my extreme fear of injury. Sprained ankles, pulled muscles and injured joints throughout my 30’s and 40’s were more challenging than anything else in my life! These injuries got in the way of me being me!  After all, from age 14-30, trying to be "strong and successful” was all I ever knew as a goal? What was I to do from the couch with a bad sprain or pulled calf muscle? Who was I supposed to be? I didn't know life without adrenaline surges.

The relationship between my mind and body began to disconnect through this fear of injury.

I believe it was not just a fear of injury- it is much deeper- it was a fear of losing my identity. I was constantly trying my best in order to feed the inner athlete. I was playing hockey 2-3 days a week, going to gym before and after work, biking every month of the year and skate skiing and back country skiing, when the conditions were right. As a competitive athlete, who practiced physical activities throughout a majority of my life, I only knew this endorphin inducing, sweat dripping, muscle fatigue story line. I always wanted to be the best. I wanted to keep up and I wanted to stay strong. This approach had always served me well, but now it was unfortunate.

Luckily, with a little help from my friends, I knew something had to change.

During these times of injury, I shared my struggles with my physical therapists; massage therapists, and mental health practitioners.  I soon realized I was not the only athlete out there with a fear of injury.

I began to pay attention. I began to slow down the speed of life!  I have started to meditate on the idea of “I will be strong, I will be capable, it just may look a little different from the outside.”  I spend a lot of time pondering the idea of “being strong for my body- and me - not for anyone else.”

All my early years as an athlete were about performance for others- the scores, the victories and the championships.  Heck- even the National Championship victory in the "over 40" women’s hockey tournament had me fired up- that got me a few years of satisfaction late in life. J

But now I am sitting more, taking deep breaths, and stretching more. I have taken on the challenge of yoga practice at home. I am in a new relationship with my body and my mind and I wanted to share this with any young athlete out there.

Prepare yourself mentally for the injuries, the set backs, and the aging process.

It can be graceful.

It does not have to be scary.

Injury/illness is not to be feared. They have something to teach us-learn to listen to them.

Injury can be life changing, in a good way.

I can honestly say in the past couple months when I skate ski I do it with a settled mind, not a driven mind. I chase after the puck in hockey games with a gentle desire, not with a crazed competition. I walk the dog with mindful intentions, not fast paced reflexes. When I go backcountry skiing, I go for  a “walk on my skis” rather than stating my destination before even starting.

The paradigm shift is that success is all selfishly driven now. Success is bound to my body not the experience. Success is in the journey not the destination. Success is connected to what my body needs, not what my athletic ego desires. The shift occurred as a result of my body screaming at me in unique and drastic ways. I didn’t have to listen, but with the influence of many wonderful yoga practitioners and diverse kinds of therapists, I have learned to love the body-mind awareness. It is empowering. 

So from one athlete to another I want to say-shifts will happen in life and sometimes they are drastic. While you prepare yourself for being stronger and faster in your sports, be prepared for life and aging. It is right around the corner and it is unpredictable. But what is predictable is how you accept what life delivers.**

**The above Aunt Fizz ramble is a result of many hours spent feeling thankful for all the coaches in my life, friends who have turned to yoga and shared their stories, and people who have had illness set in and publicly shared their life’s adjustments. I thank those who are older and wiser and have told me how they have managed the struggles of aging. I hope we all keep listening for what others can teach us and what our own bodies are asking for. Life happens and we can learn lots.

Namaste

Please send me your stories or post your comments below. I have recently been talking about this topic a lot here in Anchorage and so many adult teammates, yoga instructors, neighbors and friends seem to have stories and wisdom to add.  Please share your thoughts, reactions and stories below. Thank you!