well, we can all learn from each other's stories.
I type this with one hand in use. My right hand is still in a sling, with wounds to both arms still healing, so please excuse the grammar and typing.
The experience I am about to share with you has invited a shift in my day to day living; either paradigm or reality, the shift has been significant.
Skip and I were victims of a dog attack.
breathe.
We are lucky and safe and healing very fast. We came away very fortunate in regards to the scale of possible outcomes. As I write this I think of my dear friend christy, our friend ira, dan, linda, matt, jess, sheila, butler, meegs, scottie, curt, sally, john, and many, many others who have had experiences in their lives that have shifted their realities as they knew it. Often emotional and/or physical scars exist as unwelcome reminders.
I reflect on my recent experience as a way of entering acceptance for all experiences. I cannot control all aspects of my life, I can try really, really hard, but in the end I am here on this Earth to live in emotional acceptance of my physical experiences.
Saturday-June 20th-Father's Day 2015
While traveling out of state, skip and I went to a friend's house for dinner. We were the only guests. It was an evening of applying efforts to conversations in order to connect different life stories to some kind of similar foundation. Topics ranged from hockey and music to mainly dogs. These friends had 2 rescue dogs. A Lab mix and a German Shephard. I actually was amazed at the beauty of the German Shepherd. I have spent very little time around shepherds, but this big boy was dark and noble looking. He had eye catching markings and deep dark eyes that matched his dark highlights. I scratched his jowls and looked into his eyes giving him compliments throughout the evening. He approached me often for this attention. Now that I think back, I am not sure he ever approached Skip for any attention.
My mom often tells me that looking back or using hindsight is a trait that we have as humans that is not always beneficial in light of sadness or tragedy. I am sure dog owners have used this after we have had to put down a dog, or any animal. We often ask…what could I have done differently?
That brings me to the emotional reaction known as "regret." Ugh…living with regret is like putting 100 lb weights on each shoulder and trying to hike a mtn. For example, " I wish I had done this" or " I could have tried this." I strongly believe, living with regret just leads to lack of sleep and body stress and nothing else.
On this rainy night, we had had a delicious dinner of ribs, corn, slaw and kale salad at our friends dining room table. The dogs circled us all night, poking their heads at plate level, only to be pushed back and told "no". Dishes were cleared and we had moved into the living room for casual visiting. We discussed the upcoming Dead shows, the major storm brewing outside and yes, dogs. We always talked about dogs.
After about 45 mins, skip and I became on the same wavelength without using words. Skip and I are often on the same wavelength without even using words.
It was 9:30 and I was thinking about heading home. As this thought entered my head, Skip got up from across the coffee table, where he had sat on the couch and came over next to my seat, a dog torn, chewed up arm chair. I had been comfortable in one of two arm chairs from across from the couch. The female home owner sat in the chair next to me to my left, with her beautiful german shepherd, Charlie asleep at her feet.
It is amazing how one's conscience relives an experience multiple times but not by choice. What occurred during the next 30 mins have been replayed in my conscience more often than desired.
I felt Skip nestling next to me on my right in this living room, sharing the same wavelength …"let's think about heading home soon" was our unspoken communication, but life delivered us a different reality. Unfortunately I am unable to replay a nice exit and drive home. I am forced to replay a Stephen King type story that we played a unwanted role in. The following 30 mins are an example of the power of the human brain.
I love dogs and speak with confidence that I know dogs behaviors. I do not claim to be an expert, but I sit on the latter side of experience.
My mom has trained guide dogs for the blind for 30 plus years. This training is all about behavior management of both animal and human. It is about relationships. Dog training is about observing, managing and learning along with your animal. It is a back and forth experience. It is not a one way street. We as humans have to be vulnerable and willing to practice and learn along with our dogs. We cannot ever claim to be experts in the company of animals.
Skip kneeled to the right of my arm chair. He put his hand on my right knee. I put my hand over his. My eyes travelled over to the dog, Charlie, the beautiful dark, strong, big, german shepherd, on my left as if he had called me to notice him, sprawled at the feet of his master. His whole body was in contact with the floor, lying on his side.
Charlie's eyes (Those dark eyes I had noticed all night as powerful and strong) caught my eyes as he slowly lifted just his head. Something initiated a physical reaction in me that I can't claim to know where it came from. Fear went right to my gut... so fast. I subconsciously tapped skip's leg three times with the outer edge of my right foot and as if that might not be enough, I added a squeeze to his left hand, which still was in contact with my right knee.
I have an incredible husband, as many of you do also- have incredible life partners. But this life experience has highlighted for me the unconditional love he offers me, the support and the kindness that is delivered day in and day out. I felt so in love with my husband on this evening. His presence next to me, as he kneeled at my side was a familiar comfort. I didn't expect to need any comfort though. I didn't expect to have to express back my love, but in the next 5 mins I acted in a life saving manner, all based on how much I care for my husband skip.
When Skip n I go backcountry skiing, in avalanche terrain, we take many pre-cautions. We are trained in decision making skills, how to use our safety equipment and most of all, we discuss prior to the experience, what to do if….
I have never had to apply the above safety precautions when going over to a friends house for dinner. But I will now tell you now, thank goodness I have had WFR training and first aid and acted the way I did, in order to not only save my partner in this life threatening situation but also save myself… all in this urban living room.
The following account is going to be brief and general as I have learned the more you dwell in the fear of trauma, the more the fear becomes your reality. I sit here today having moved past fear.
I am thankful.
I am strong.
I also love my brain. The shit my brain did the night of Saturday, June 20th, will forever provide me an inner trust. I am not a scientist, but whatever it was…adrenaline, shock or just plain love, I will now invest in that fancy bike helmet, all in order to protect my main protecter…my brain!
Charlie, the German Shepard stood up slowly, came to my left arm and I placed my hand out to pet him but he slinked past me with an alterior motive and in less than 2 seconds I heard the snarl and knew he was attacking Skip. Last I knew Skip was kneeling. I had hoped the taps and squeezes had initiated Skip to get up and move, but had he done that? I didn't know, my eyes were on Charlie.
The sound was the igniter to my "third brain". This term is what I have used since that night, it is not scientific, but it is personally comforting. My third brain pushed my conscious mind aside and took over.
I grabbed the collar of this large German Shepherd with the goal of pulling the dog back and off my husband. The words that my third brain used were not my usual choice of vocab or in my usual soft spoken tone, but they got the message across. They were geared towards the owner, demanding their help here. Unfortunately, I saw her still seated. I don't know if she has a third brain(?) but like in backcountry skiing, sometimes you may need to make crucial decisions, split second for your partners, or even those sharing the slopes, when they, for what ever reason, aren't able to.
I succeeded at pulling this large dog back, but i still had his collar in my hand, which meant the large Shepard was arms length away from my face.
The dog was now focusing on me and all I can recall was that the pain was great. That pain was so great, my third brain knew to move out of this situation at whatever cost. Unfortunately, Charlie still had my arm locked in his jaw. I let go of his collar and ran out of the house. My arm came with me but at a small cost.
I still credit my third brain that it was the best decision- get out of this house.
This is when one turns the page in the Stephen King novel in order to continue to the gory details. I am not giving credit to the next page. I am giving credit to my third brain who knew exactly what needed to be done.
Get away from the dog, control my bleeding, call 911, get Skip out of house, sit down, elevate my arms, keep breathing.
I recall hearing the sirens and I could relax…
help is on it's way, my third brain was relieved.
Since that moment at approx. 10pm Saturday, June 20th , my third brain has been invited to rest. I am thankful and have only requested that healing thoughts go to my wounds. The emotional pain is being watered down every day that Skip and I are able to wake up next to each other and see we are moving forward, away from this nightmare..further away everyday.
I have seen such strength come from my friends and families that I mentioned earlier. I sit here thanking them for sharing their experiences and examples of resiliency. Every experience guides us. I encourage all of us to listen carefully or watch as the stories around us always offer a choice.
Oh one last thing… due to the heroic choices of my third brain, I am still without use of my dominent hand, so I will send all grammatical and punctuation complaints to my third brain who is on vacation right now and I hope it can remain on vacation for a very, very long time.
Thanks for listening.
Images after a night at a friends house with "friendly" dogs...
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